Birthparents' Stories

Birthmother Stories

Jolie's Story

I was 22 when I learned of my pregnancy. Terrified would be a good adjective to describe my reaction. I shed many tears. I was in a state of confusion and turned to every possible source for an answer as to what I should do. I myself was adopted at birth and weighed this option as one of my choices.

I went through the phone book, calling adoption agencies. Many did not want to take time to talk with me or even understand that I wanted more information. I was left feeling weary and completely in the dark.

I came across an ad for Volunteers of America and thought, maybe they will offer some light and guidance. The minute they answered the phone I knew that they would be of assistance.

I met with a social worker a few hours later. The atmosphere in that office was understanding and caring. During the initial meeting she explained what open adoption meant, not only for the birthparents but also the adoptive couple as well. I personally felt that open adoption was a wise and great decision to make. It enables birth and adoptive parents to get to know one another on a very personal level. The child and the adoptive couple are able to know things that would otherwise be left in the dark if not for openness.

Choosing the family, I was told, would be one of the hardest parts. Personally, I couldn't be happier with the family I chose. When I first met with them I was completely nervous. Questions that came to mind included: What if they don't like me, or I them? What do we have in common? What if they put on an act? There were so many "what ifs." However, after only our second meeting I knew they were the family I could be comfortable with.

After I gave birth, I was overcome with grief and sorrow. Leaving my daughter at the hospital was challenging. Just knowing that she would not be there with me the next morning was devastating. But after placing my baby with her family and meeting with them again a couple of weeks later, all of my sadness was overcome by heartfelt joy.

If I could find the words to describe how happy the adoptive couple was I would write them. However words could not describe it. Open adoption is one of the best options a birth couple and adoptive couple could decide on. It allows everyone to answer the questions that would be unanswered otherwise.

Since the day I placed my child for adoption I have never once second-guessed myself. My relationship with the adoptive couple is outstanding. They keep me informed about everyone's life, as I do with them. We talk frequently and see each other about once a month. Open adoption is not for everyone, but for those considering it, it is one of the most courageous, selfless decisions one could possibly make. Know that it is not done just because, but done out of love.

Shannon's Story

My name is Shannon, and I placed my daughter, Paige Victoria, for adoption through Volunteers of America. I found the program through the phone book, and I chose them because of the caring response that I received over the phone.

Throughout the time that I was receiving counseling, I always felt supported no matter what the final outcome might have been. They always let me know that I had options, that it was up to me to decide and that they would help me no matter what.

I made the decision to place my baby for adoption for several reasons. I was only 25 years old, and I didn't want to marry the father of the child (we never could have made it work). The long and short of it is that I wanted something more for my daughter than I could provide as a single parent on a salary that, even alone, was hard to make ends meet sometimes. I dreamed for her what I never had for myself: two loving, ever-present parents, all the nice things she could ever want and an excellent education.

I don't want to mislead you into thinking that this was an easy decision because it is never easy to hand someone you love as dearly as life itself into someone else's care. Especially when it's because you know you can't provide the kind of care someone deserves. Placing my daughter for adoption was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but, at the time, it was also one of the most rewarding. After visiting my daughter and her family, and seeing her beautiful smile and how happy they all are together, it only reaffirmed that I made the right decision for my little girl.

I am not writing this to convince anyone to place their child for adoption, because I have experienced all the options myself. I have a six-year-old son whom I parented, and I have also experienced an abortion. So, my main purpose is to encourage any mother who is considering the option of adoption to get counseling at Volunteers of America. The counselors will help you make the right choice…no matter what that is.

Good luck to you, and remember the most important thing is to listen to your own heart and not to the voices of the people around you — no matter how important those people are to you. You are the only one who will have to live with your choice for the rest of your life. Make certain it is a choice you can live with.

In Love and Support,
Shannon